Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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