i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
