Dude my mom stole all your condoms
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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