i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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