I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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