Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
