omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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