Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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