Cold hands, warm shart.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
