Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
