Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize