just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
