dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
