Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
