so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize