Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
