I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
