you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
