There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
