i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My vagina is officially offended.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
