porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
