I wish I could teleport
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
