you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
