he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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