I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
