I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This is the high leading the old right now
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
