i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
