Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
