just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
