Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
