I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
