then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
