we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
