You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
