i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
