these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
