Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
