By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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