How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
