Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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