Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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