No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
