I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
