conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I could have mohawked her pubes.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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