It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
