Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
