Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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