I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
