How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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