So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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