1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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