So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
