Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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