I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
