I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
