Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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