I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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