when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We talked him into tasing himself.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
