I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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