am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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