Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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