does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
