That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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