32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
