well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
