Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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