yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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