You just made me feel so damn special
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
